I had no idea how free I was until my grandson came to live with me. I would sit here night after night, goofing off, happy to be home, facebooking, painting, playing with my dogs, with no desire to go out. My friends would invite me places and to do things and I would still choose to stay home.
Then came Hunter Gossett, screaming, head butting, house trashing Hunter. He's my oldest son's youngest son. His mama and daddy are currently paying for something stupid they did and Hunter was the right thing they did.
I handed them a piece of paper stating he would be living with me and they signed it. I now have custody of him until they put their lives back together and the courts give him back to them.
Man oh man I didn't know what I was getting into.
I had no idea this child was not only going to turn my life upside down that he was going to win my heart in the process of doing it.
There are days when I have to overlook the house. I like for it to be clean and organized, simply because I have organizational issues and it's something I've been working very hard at. Hunter Gossett has put an end to all of that, because he's just not going to get with the program and it is what it is.
I like to choose my battles wisely.
He's so cute he's totally irresistible, but he's totally a challenge. He has issues, more than most children and screaming is one of them. He hits himself, he bangs his head in the floor, he head butts things, and he doesn't understand where they've gone. I can't take him where they are because the rules are he has to be thirteen. He doesn't have the words to explain what he's going through, he doesn't understand why they've left, or why they haven't come back, even though he talks to them when they call.
It's heart wrenching some days, for both of us. Others it's totally exhausting.
He laughs a lot, sings, is obsessed with dinosaurs and robots. He totally gets humor, because I hear him laughing at the television.
He's a man's child, his daddy's son, never had anything to do with me until he came here. I still feel its more out of necessity than sincerity, since he's four years old and it's always been that way. Anytime I've been to visit them, he's been in his daddy's lap, or my soon to be ex husband's lap, never mine.
I haven't been a full time mother for a very long time. Sure the grand children come and visit, but even they haven't done that as much since they've all started school. I went from an empty nest to having him.
His mother started the whole calling him by his first and last name thing. She's always called him Hunter Gossett and because of that so does everyone else. She has this cute little song she made up she's always sang to him and he smiles every time he hears it.
When he came to me he was growling and walking on all fours. I don't know what he went through, but they avoided me for nearly a year because they were doing drugs and didn't want me to know it. Yes mama would've known immediately. I'm sure he was in a war zone because they didn't get along all that well when they weren't doing drugs.
He's walking and beginning to talk and he's potty trained and he's mischevious like all boys.
Lucky for me he's not bad about getting into things, as long as I don't leave my paints out.
He's my do over, my mulligan, my best second chance. I get to do everything I did wrong with my own children right with him.
I don't feel like I'm doing it right half the time, but I'm doing the best I can.
He's says, "Stop screaming," only he screams it. He says, "Don't hit the fish tank.", only he scream it. He says, "What's your problem," and "Calm down, it's okay," which he totally got from me. He's starting to say a lot of things now.
He's a great comforter. He wants you to be alright. He'll ask you, "Are you okay?" and when you tell him yes and ask if he's okay, he says, "Yeah, I'm okay."
Curly black hair, big brown eyes, same silly expressions his mother has, he's a very loved boy.
I never dreamed I would have one of my children's children.
You have kids, you raise them, they have their own lives, their own children and it's never in the plan to inherit one of those children.
There are things I don't do anymore. I don't go out to eat, because he overloads in public and it's tiring. If I take him anywhere I put him in a buggy, or there will be a scene where I'm laughing and he's laying in the floor screaming and crying and creating a scene. I don't go on lengthy shopping trips of any sort and I make sure I know what I want, where it is, I get in, I get out, there's no lingering to window shop anywhere ever.
I am not embarrassed by his crazy behavior, or the dramatic scenes he has. His behavior is no reflection on me, or his parents, or our skills. I wish I'd known that when my kids were young.
He's free at my house. I let him jump on the furniture, he stands in the middle of the coffee table, he climbs onto the bar table and sits, or jumps to the couch. He's free to be Hunter Gossett. He's free to be free.
There are times when I have to abandon what I'm doing to pull him into my lap and just hold him.
There are times when I just let him wear the damned spider man pajamas everywhere, because it's really not that serious and he likes them.
Food is a serious issue and I don't know how they've kept him alive so long. He won't accept anything unfamiliar from me, I can't just hand it to him, I have to serve it and he's a junk food junky when I'm trying to do plant based foods. He loves pizza and I don't. I feed him what I know he eats, which isn't much, but I feed him as much of whatever it is that he wants.
I love the way he says thank you and you're welcome. I love when he says God bless you when I sneeze. I love how he touches me during the night to make sure I'm still in the bed with him, because I am the anchor in his life. I am the one thing he can depend on.
I love in the mornings, when he comes out of bed and walks straight into my arms, all sleepy and hair everywhere.
Hunter is matchbox cars in my shower, robots in my bed and dinosaurs absolutely everywhere else. Hunter is screams and laughter and singing. Hunter is locks banging on my desk. Hunter is the best of everything I didn't appreciate with my own children. Hunter is dancing on the coffee table, jumping on the couch, sleeping sitting up and brushing his teeth ten times a day.
Oh my God I do love that boy.
Everyone wants their picture with him, everyone asks about him, people tell him hello in my live videos, he is so very loved.
I am so thankful Hunter Gossett lives with me, we have one another, we are making this journey together, even the hard parts, because we need one another.
