Knowing When The Storm Is Really HIM

I've said it before but I'll say it again, God has a great sense of humor and I'm coming to the conclusion he loves to hear me laugh because we share the silliest stuff with one another and he loves to make me the butt of some of His jokes.  They aren't the kind of jokes that hurt, they are exceptionally funny, but there are times when I'm standing there, knowing He's laughing at me and I just have to go through it.

Yesterday was no exception.

I stood in the bathroom putting on my makeup making all the Sunday deals I make with God about the fact that I'm wearing makeup and I don't want to sit in church the entire time crying and ruining it.

There were several times at church I was using an offering envelope like a fan to dry my eyes.

After church as I made my pilgrimage to Prattville for the afternoon.  It was lovely all the way from Montgomery, sun shining, beautiful clear skies and the minute I pulled into Prattville there was this huge storm cloud over head, the sun was blotted out and the world seemed to change.

As soon as I got to my friend's house and out of the car, the bottom fell out.  

I watched it rain and felt the wonderful wind from his garage for the first twenty or so minutes.  After that I went and sat on his back porch and watched it out the window.  There were great claps of thunder, lightening striking everywhere, the rain continuing and I was amazed.  I sat watching and listening and knowing full well it was God.  

I soaked it in and watched and basked in His company.  Great tears swelled up in my eyes and began spilling down my cheeks with the glory of His presence.  I told Him how awesome He is and that he was just showing off because He knew we had a pool party planned for 5 o'clock.

I began to laugh because He was joking with me about it.  He asked me how I liked it and I told him He was showing off and it was awesome and make it rain some more and He did.  I heard His voice in the thunder and began responding to His love, to the sound of His voice, to the beating of my heart.  I told Him how amazing the thunder and lightening was and I loved Him too and He made it thunder more and more.

He reassured me not to fear the lightening that it was just part of the show.

I laughed, tears flowing down my cheeks and as I watched the storm I sat there with God in awe of Him, seeing His great power and knowing He was doing it all for my benefit and some of it on request.  He told me He loved me with the thunder, over and over and again.  I would laugh and laugh reminding Him I still had places to get to and people to see.

He reassured me there was plenty of time and I just sat there watching it come down.

I remember hoping someone else was seeing and feeling and knowing the same things.

He dried things up and I went on other errands but the storm followed me everywhere I went and had me running from here to there, because I didn't want to get caught in the rain.

It rained a second time during the course of the afternoon and He thought that was funnier than the first time because it was getting so close to time for us to meet.

The preacher posted for everyone not to worry the rain was just cooling things off for the party.

He was absolutely right too.

Once I was at the party He put me in this mode of happiness where I remember looking around at everyone, smiling, with nothing to say, just knowing how much love and happiness He was pouring out on us.  Then, when He would let me say something it would come out sounding all hippy and stupid and everyone kind of looked at me strange and I didn't even care.

Anyone whose name I didn't know I introduced myself and stood there making huge mental notes to myself, trying to safely store the names that had been told to me and of course He made it weird for them, because I more than likely did something that made them think I was strange or my silent reflection made them uncomfortable because of the effort I was putting into it.

I would move on to the next group of people and the same thing would happen all over again.

I'm getting used to it, but there are times when I'm standing there in total unbelief that He's laughing when I'm trying so hard.

I floated from place to place, person to person, conversation to conversation and then I was ready to go.

It was a lovely day and words cannot even describe the whole storm experience for me, because there are no words to describe some parts of it.  

I love it when I'm sitting there and I know without a doubt it's Him and we are so close to one another and I'm laughing at His silliness.  I pray all of God's people have these experiences on a daily basis, because it's so wonderful to be in the presence of my Daddy.

We have so much in our lives we sometimes feel like God is so far away but He isn't, He's right there with us, waiting to interact with us, to pour his spirit into us, to show us the way to the next right thing to do.  He really is in love with us and that love is so extravagant.  There's nothing He wouldn't do for us to love Him.

The God I serve is living, breathing, near me, talks to me, loves me, makes me laugh and spends the best moment I have to just be with me.  He is a fire burning deep in my soul that never goes out and He is my DADDY.

THE CONFEDERATE FLAG

I've held my peace about it and now I'm going to say what I think.  I am from the south and we are a great people.  We wave at strangers driving by our houses, we stop and help people on the side of the road, we treat everyone like they are family.  We say "hey" passing people on the street, we love our old people, our children, our guns, our trucks and our dogs.  We don't see things in black or white, we only see things the southern way, "Hey, come on in", "How's your mama and them?", "You doing alright today?", "You need something?"," You hungry baby?",and "Can I get something for you sweety?" atleast that's how I think we are.  The flag, it's a flag, it's not us, even though we've used it to represent us.  For some it's just who we are, we didn't even give it another thought, we didn't look for things it stood for, it just represented the south.
I don't discriminate, I never pick things apart and when someone says something about me being white, this little voice in the back of my head laughs, "they have no idea how black you really are now do they?"
I hate injustice, I can't stand for people to be mistreated, I don't want their to be racial division and I get so frustrated that love is the answer when the enemy is still doing a great job of dividing and conquering us.
I'm not going to make it a black and white thing!  I'm not!  I love everyone!  I never see the color of anyone's skin, even though the world has taught me labels.  People have been totally surprised to meet my soon to be ex husband because I didn't tell them he is black and furthermore it really wasn't any of their business in the first place.  I don't care what anyone has said about me for loving him.  I don't care what anyone is going to say about me from this moment on and that's a good life.
I have a Georgia flag in my dresser, it has the Georgia emblem with a confederate flag next to it.
I had a guy who used to pick me up all the time, a black guy, he said something so profound to me, I will never forget it.  He said, "If they want to fly a losing flag I don't even care!"  This same man said to me, "Every time I see you you are talking about McDonalds or Churches Chicken!"  My reply was, "Don't ever call me a crackhead again, I'm trying to eat brother."
It's a flag.
If it stood for slavery, then it lost.
If it stood for money, then it lost.
If it stood for anything other than southern heritage, then we are all shamed in the first place.
The flag he was talking about was way up on a hill on the side of the expressway and whoever put it there had to do some serious climbing and navigating through the woods to hang it.
It's a flag.  It doesn't put food in your belly, it doesn't pay your bills and I can't even tell you what it really stands for because I obviously don't even know, because it surely didn't stand for what I thought it did.
Personally, I don't have a problem with it and when my husband told me it offended him I explained what it meant to me and us as a people and I still took it down.
When Paul took Timothy with him, he circumcised Timothy, so he could take him into the temples.
The bible talks about if we are doing something that makes our brother stumble then we should stop.
I love being from the south.  I never felt like the flag was a symbol of hatred.  I felt like it was a losing flag, just like my brother said and it was okay and it couldn't hurt anyone any longer, either free or slave, and I was a slave when he said it.
If something you do makes your brother stumble or question your love for him, then stop.  If the flag makes our beautiful black brothers and sisters from the south question our love for them, then take it down.
In my house the term "nigga" is a term of endearment, of the streets,a term of the people we belong to, have lived with, have loved, of who we are, but we've quit using that term, because the grandchildren don't understand the context and we don't want to hurt others because of it.  It's plain and simple.  If it's not love, then we can't use it.  It doesn't matter how we intended it, others would not understand.  I can't tell you how many times my husband has told me,"baby you can't call me that." and I never meant anything about it, it was just something we always said, the dope boys always said, everyone always said.  I didn't even know the repercussions until he told me and even then I was like, "I don't care what anyone else thinks!"
Truth is, when we love people, we really do need to care what they think, but what they see as love, what they see as us showing them that's love and that being the case, then don't do it!
Jesus said, "why do you call me Lord Lord and not do what I tell you to do?"
I am from the south, I love the confederate flag, it is southern, it is the people who are here, who have always been here, but if it for one second made one of my brothers and sisters think I don't love them, that I stood behind slavery, that I still support it today, then that's no good!!!!!!!!!!!
It just so happens I saw Amazing Grace again last night and praise God for William Wilberforce and the preacher he was friends with who had been a slave ship captain, who actually wrote the song.  The man said he lived with 20,000 ghosts of slaves, every day and he was so shamed to have done what he did.  God let that man live, even though he was blind by then, to see the day slavery was abolished in England, which eventually caused it's demise all over the world.  People are valuable!  I don't care what the color of their skin is, what they look like or where you find them, people are so valuable, Jesus died for them!!!!!!!!!!  He died for us!
I don't want anyone questioning my love, so if it means taking down a flag that makes everyone have questions, then lets do it, because it's the right thing to do.  Don't ever try to make it right with me telling me they were selling their own people!!!!!!!  It doesn't matter, it still doesn't make it right!  Get a freaking clue will ya?!!!!!
If a flag is all that stands between the two of us and you knowing that I love you, then I will gladly give up that flag and the history and anything that goes along with it, so you will just see my love, I don't care what color your skin is, it never mattered to me in the first place.

Queen and Judas Priest, Gay People, God's People, What??????????????????

God has great compassion, beyond the size of the universe.

I absolutely loved gay men because they loved me, thought I was beautiful, smelled good and didn't want a thing in the world from me and for a pretty girl, even though I had no clue I was, that's amazing.

I saw all the ugliness of the "church", when the love movement happened for gay people and I totally hate labels because they are so narrow and single and have no imagination.

If you are going to label me, please have some imagination, because I do!  God does!

We all love Queen and Judas Priest and until today, no one really cared that Freddy Mercury died of Aids, that Rob Halford was a heretic, with his Harley and his leather chaps.  We love them right?  

How does everyone else fall into that category of "we don't love them because they are gay?"

It's foolishness not to love someone because of a label, gay, poor, broke, homeless, lesbian, rich, famous, you can put every label you've ever known in that category, just think of it.  Who are you to deny anyone love?

Did Jesus say, "Wait a minute, I can't die for homosexuals, they are an abomination!"  I don't think so and I've read my bible over and over and over and over again looking for it, not because I want to be right, but because I want to stand as a warrior in everyone's defense.  I've read it ya'll, more than a hundred times cover to cover, probably more and I just can't find it where Jesus held everything up to point out what was something He wasn't willing to die for.  It's just not there.  Go and see for yourself if you don't believe me.

Rob Halford and Freddy Mercury don't give a crap what you think about them, label them, say about them, they are gay men who headed up two of the best and hardest rock bands ever!

I remember a guy named Mike who I knew from all the bars I hung out at. 

I hate labels, truly I do.

He broke my heart more than anyone I've ever known, ever loved, will ever encounter.

He was dying of aids and I knew him from the places I liked to hustle pool.

For the life of me I can't remember the name of this bar, just like I can't remember the name of the most favorite strip club I worked at, but this guy named Mike I had seen all over town.

One night I saw him and he said to me, now brace yourself, because if it doesn't break your heart and make you cry then you have no heart or humanity left in your soul.  "Darlene I love you, but next time you see me, or if you ever see me again, please don't speak to me, because I am dying and it's hard enough to do without people like you coming along to love me."

Wow, just wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Do I Think About Gay People?

As many of you know I spent a great deal of my young adult life homeless.  My grandmother didn't want a stripper living in her house, good christian woman that she was, but she did allow my children to stay, so they could attend a decent school, and have warm beds to sleep in, food to eat every day and clothes that were clean.
After my divorce, I still took the boys places, showed them it was okay to still be kids, have fun, be happy, even though our lives weren't what we would have liked for them to be.  I took them to eat in fine restaurants, we went to movies, we spent plenty of money at the dollar tree for toys to take to the park and we went roller skating.
I had never been without them, from the time I was seventeen years old.  It was very difficult for me, a mother, to find myself suddenly without children.  I was 27, had never been anywhere by myself, not even to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes.  Rather than it being relished freedom I had only been able to dream about, it was a total nightmare of feeling inadequate, a failure as a person and a parent, desperately trying to figure out a way to fix a situation I would be caught in for the next ten years.
One afternoon, while roller skating with the kids I met this young man, very charming, long blonde hair, very intelligent and I immediately liked him.  He was too smart for his own good, so smart in fact he had a criminal mind.  Anyway, we began to date and he would be my first roller coaster relationship because at the time I had no idea what a crack addict was, or that he was in fact a disappearing addict.
He took me to a bar one night, we'll call it the Mack, it is still there in Atlanta, has moved to another location and when you go there you can see very attractive young men dancing on stages and on the bars.
I loved it!  It was so refreshing for a man to tell me I was beautiful, I smelled good, could he buy me a drink and he didn't have ulterior motives.
I became what is referred to as a fag hag.  I didn't even care that it didn't sound nice!  I loved gay men!
Many a night after I got off at the club, with no where to be, no one to tend to, I drove straight to the Mack, didn't even have any desire to go anywhere else.
There I met many people, people who were good to me, who accepted me, who were totally different than I was, but still welcomed me to be with them.
I have never ever seen a fight in a gay bar and all but the two boys I punched out for running their hand up the front of my dress, I never got into a fight in a gay bar.
This whole entire other universe opened up to me!
Michael and I began to live together and before too long I quit dancing for a while and we shot pool for a living.  We did really well and never ever had the first $10 we bet on a game.  We always did this in gay bars and it was never men I had a problem with it was always some little girl who wanted to disrespect me and flirt with my pretty little boyfriend right in my face.
There were many times he and I weren't together and I fended for myself.
I made more money selling shooters in a gay bar in two nights than I did all week long dancing, at an after hours club, that had a cabaret.  I would take many people to this place, with no problems, even met and took the band Bush there, even though I didn't believe they were who they said they were until I dropped them at their bus the next morning, around lunch time.  I just dogged their music out all night and had people at the bar buy them drinks.  We really did have a nice time.
I never really had anywhere to live and I would go out just because of that.
If anyone had a problem with me hanging out in these places, no one ever came forward and said so.
I was treated with respect and made friends and loved them and received love back.
I was completely taken with them and their lifestyle and how kind they were to everyone.
I can't even count the times I slept in mansions, never on someone's couch, always in the guest room because whomever I was hanging out with that night discovered I didn't have anywhere to stay for the night.  "Girl, we can't have you sleeping in the streets," was the standard response and they would promptly take me home with them.  I was never afraid, never even thought someone might do something to me and I slept in some of the nicest beds ever.  One room I slept in had matching wall paper and carpet that matched the covers on the bed along with the curtains and the bathroom was pink marble everything!
They fed me, they housed me, they were kinder to me than my own grandmother and I loved them.
Along the way I discovered they were rejected, they were mistreated, they were made fun of, and the people closest to them, who were supposed to love them, were the ones who treated them the worst.
I could never understand people, still don't.  Some of them have been so mistreated and judged and rejected they have mental issues.  Some of them have been disowned by their families and the people who have loved them their entire lives until they revealed who they really were.  How can you choose not to love your child?  How does a parent's love become conditional.  Some of them are the worst drug addicts ever trying to cope with all this pain and hurt and rejection.  Many have killed themselves unable to cope any longer.
The gay community was my secret garden where I was happy, where I sought out the people there, where I was loved and treated with respect.  I made lots of great friends, people who will forever be in my heart, people who left lasting impressions on me.  Many many faces and names I can't even recall to memory now, but I knew them and they knew me and we loved one another.
Now, here I stand today, a woman of God, and can't stand the labeling of people, but since we are making things clear, I still love gay people.  No other group of people ever in my entire life accepted me so willingly and showed me their goodness.
Time seemed to stand still in the places they hung out and many a day I've come out a darkened bar at lunch time, shielding my eyes from the sun like a vampire.
Here we are today, all these people still in my heart, all these memories forever etched in my mind, even though I'm not giving you details or names or situations or personal stories, I carry them with me everywhere I go.  They don't make me feel weird or wrong.  They are still the happiest times of my life, being with them, places I went, smiles on many faces.  I would like to think some of them remember me today, even though that's been a long time ago.
I needed love and acceptance as much as they did.  I was a young mother learning to live without her children, something that goes against all of nature in the world we live in.  I was trying to find out who I was and where I fit in and how I was going to survive, so were they.
I have a lady friend who has always been my lady friend, I don't care who are what she was to begin with, she's my friend and anyone who would ever be unkind to her has serious problems and I would have a problem with it.
All this ugliness and hate has spewed forth from the "christian" community about the decision to make gay marriage legal.  I've taken alot of people off my page, christian or not.  I watched alot of ministries crash and burn and lose their credibility with me because of their response.  I've seen judgement more vile than poison come from the lips of God's people on a matter that really doesn't even concern them.  Why is everything their business?
God is merciful and full of grace and love right?
He loves gay people too.
You don't have to like it, you don't even have to like me for saying it, but that's just the way it is.
God is love, He doesn't pick and choose who He loves, He is love!
We have to love the hell out of people not beat them down for every little thing we think is wrong with them.  Don't you think the world has done enough of that for all of us?
Telling someone what is wrong with them, the thing they need to change does nothing for that person and it puts us in a place of judgement, a place we aren't even qualified to be in, because God is the judge.  He's not sending down lightening bolts, or causing the earth to open and suck people up for their sin.  He's capable of it, has done it in the past, but His love for His son who died for us all protects us from that wrath.  He sees the sacrifice His son made for all of us and He sees Jesus' blood on all of us and He loves us.  Its like rose colored glasses, He sees Jesus, His Beloved, the blood He shed to deal with sin and He loves.  He simply loves.
We are in a new place now, the winds or change are blowing, God is testing the hearts of men.
The church has been so mean for so long, there are still things I wonder about, still little twitches of weirdness when I'm faced with something I don't understand or know how to accept, but the spirit leads and guides me and I listen for His voice.
I have always loved gay people, I will always love gay people.  There isn't one ounce of shame in me for saying it.  I will never ever stand and look on anyone with judgement, because that's not my job, my job is to love.  I love people.  It's so much easier than trying to figure out what is wrong with them and to find reasons not to.
I saw a video a gay priest presented and it was sound.  The church has been getting it wrong since before they killed Jesus, that means there have been many many other wrongs done in its name.
The world is a mean place, everyone knows that.
For me, its simpler to love everyone, to hope the world gets small enough for me to save it and to hold onto the hope and belief God loves us all, He doesn't pick and choose.  We were part of the family to begin with we just got lost along the way.
All this uproar is unnecessary, it's mean, it's hateful and I am seriously ashamed of some of my brothers and sisters right now.
Jesus said love me and love them, that's the bottom line.
Love me.  Love them.
How hard can it be?
I have loved them all along.
In my life love always wins.
Those who have loved me have left the most lasting impressions.
That love has saved me from myself and brought me to Jesus.  I don't care who gave it to me.
You are welcome to block me, to argue, to say what you feel you need to say, but I will not receive anything other than God loves us.
Gay people have always been good to me.
My commandment is to love.
I can do that.