Being Sensitive To Others

Life is happening to everyone, we are all on a journey and certain parts of it are so painful.  I'm the eternal optimist, know who I belong to, know He has great plans for me and I'm beginning to see some of these plans come to fruition, at long last.  In the process I'm learning about loyalty, about being sensitive to others, about picking and choosing the best things to be involved in and I'm learning how vulnerable my own heart is to the actions of others.
Everyone wants to be supported, cheered on, valued and to have people on their team.
Lately, I've noticed a great deal of the exact opposite.  I've seen those who claim to be sensitive to others, being self absorbed, only interested in what they are doing and want to do.  They want everyone to support their causes and be involved in their stuff, but they pay no mind to everyone else.
God is bringing me to a place where He is showing me how He supports me and it's never through the people I am expecting it to be, it is always others, people outside my closest circles, people I never dreamed of and people I hardly know.
My heart is more than a little broken about this, but broken is good where God is concerned.
Even still it makes me not want to share with others, not mention things I would like to do, to withdraw to the depths of my own life, my own reality.
I'm not easily offended, or overly sensitive about things, it's just not my way, but when the hurt creeps in it's there and it's so difficult to get rid of.
I refuse to believe I give people too much credit, but more than a million times this has been said to me.
There are those who whole heartedly support one another, the whole ride or die thing.  They hang out together, they go to one another's functions, they regularly pursue their relationships with one another.
All the while there are people on the outside looking in, some of them longing for those relationships, others feeling shut out, left out, excluded and forgotten.
This should not be so, but such is life.
In the end the only person who does not forget us, who does not make us feel excluded, overlooked, left out, or unloved is God.  He is there for every moment, the good ones and the bad ones.  He is there pouring out His love on us, knowing our hurt, our isolation and longings.  He is the one who always says, "You are okay.", instead of asking.  He is the one who always says, "You are lacking nothing." instead of do you need anything.  He's the one who is there in the darkest of moments constantly reminding us of His love, the plans He has for us.
For this I am so grateful because for this moment in time I am hurt by people.

I

The Long Journey Back Up And Never Taking Anything For Granted

God put this on my heart this morning, reminding me of where I came from, how I'm no where near where I'm going and what's right in front of me.  What a journey it's been!  I started in the streets, with nothing.  By the time I came out of the streets, all the dogs had died or gone elsewhere, the cats were scattered from here to kingdom come and all I had of all the stuff was a leather jacket I found laying next to a dumpster, a duffle bag of clothes and a lot of bad memories.  I was carrying a brand new bible, which I still have all these years later.  It's covered in duct tape and a beautiful cover because I never had the strength to give it up long enough to have it recovered and it will stay that way until I'm long gone.
I'm reminded of where I came from this morning as a friend came to me telling me about a woman who is coming out of the street this weekend.  She's going to have her own place, she needs stuff for her place and she needs lots of support, from many places if she is to survive.  Most of all she will need the help of Jesus and people He places in her life.
I don't know her, but I used to be her.
When I think back, I find I am still that person, still that grateful and humbled by His love.  I'm not the person I used to be but I am still that woman who has been rescued every day since then from a life that can only be described as pure hell.
My worst day since then is still my better than my best day out there.
I'm thinking of her, what it feels like, knowing that place and how it looks and feels and the opportunity that will grow from it.  I remember that sigh of relief that escapes and eases it away.  I remember the wonders of that time, the new experiences, the eye opening things that happened and the changing of the guard as my heart became set on something so much higher.
He's been so good to me!  I could fill the world with all of it, if I could remember all of it, the things He's done for me since then.
Every time it rains, even after all these years I thank God I'm not in the street.  When it's super cold outside, late at night, when I'm laying in my bed, I thank God I'm not still in the street.
It's a long journey back, but one I was so grateful and thankful to make.  He walked with me every step of the way, He showed me His love every moment of every day.  He stayed with me every breath and I am still in His presence and what a wonderful place to be!
I look at that little green truck sitting outside and thank Him for it, as I have done every day since April 2009.  That truck is the nicest most reliable thing I've ever owned and by some other folk's standards that's pretty pathetic, but to me it's huge.  It's a blessing!  It's the best thing I've got and I have enjoyed having it so much.
I think about her, what its going to feel like when every one is gone and she has that moment where she stops and looks around and God whispers to her, "I did this for you." and her heart soars with the great joy that moment will bring.  I think about the pride she will have in taking ownership of her life, how important her shower curtain will be to her, the towels and washrags someone gave her, the frying pan she will use to cook in her kitchen, small things we all take for granted until we need them.
I'm so happy for her, whatever her name is, whomever she may be, because God put someone as wonderful as my friend and many more in her path to make sure she begins the long journey back up and I pray, neither one of us ever take anything for granted.