FAMILY

Everyone seems to think their family is the most dis-functional, but mine, we are just normally who we are. There are those of us who don't get along, others fear won't get along, others still, assume don't get along, and then some who still aren't sure.  We get together as often as we can, although we are smart enough not to get together all at once.  LOL.  We are family, commonly bonded in blood, love, fights, arguments and the same journey of life we are making.  We have our little clicks, our favorite cousins, so forth and so on, but we are family.  There are no knock down drag outs at our get together's, there's mostly foolishness, bad behavior, lots of laughter, dancing, the burning of furniture and freely flowing alcohol.  We don't have time to put one another down, preach to one another, point out other people's flaws, because each of us knows without question we all have issues and the beauty of being family is loving people despite those issues. When you are busy loving one another there is no room any of that.  Sometimes there's a heartbeat of silence and a deep intake of breath and if you look around the room at the very moment you will see nothing but big ear to ear grins and contentment.  We are family and we need one another.  There's no time for anything but love and enjoyment and basking in one another's love.  I am pleased to announce I can't ever remember anyone being put out, placed in a car with a sober driver, angry words, or a fist fight, since we were stupid kids.  There are hugs and laughter and food and "I love you"s and "Are you okay?" and "You can stay if you need to"s.  We have finally learned what is was our mother was trying to teach us all along.  I used to hate to hear her say it, because I was selfish and spoiled and spiteful and mean, but she would always say, "Y'all need to learn to love one another because one day you are only going to have one another."  I wish I could tell her now how sorry I am for being the brat I was and how right she was in what she was trying to teach us.
I'm going to just put it out there, tell the truth and shame the devil, I was a mean ass big sister.  I wanted them, but once they were mine I wanted them to go away or I didn't want to care about them.  I am not that person anymore and I know they know that and I know they know how much I love them, how precious they are to me, how I wish I could take it all back and do it all over again, but we are who we are today and mama got what she wanted because we do love one another.  We still haven't learned to stick together all the time, but we have learned despite any differences we've ever had, falling outs, fights, all the crap that happens with people we are family, we are all we have and we love one another.
Like I said, we aren't perfect and aren't even trying to be, but we have come to a place where we finally understand how important we are to one another and you just come get you some if you feel froggy, because we are Gossett's and play time is over.
We all have our opinions about one another, different relationships with every single individual, and even if we voice those opinions, it's in a joking manner, no one is sitting around dogging anyone else out, or talking bad about anyone who isn't present to defend themselves.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
If you're ever invited to one of our functions you must know they are not for the faint of heart or the easily embarrassed, and it's all in good fun whether it makes you blush or not.  If you weren't family and blood, you will be family before you leave.  We are a hospitable people.  (Thank you Jesus)
I love going to my brother's house, I never have the thought "the road runs both ways".  He is home, his wife is mama, his home is open to us all.  He feeds us and I never even considered what a huge task that is until they visited Easter and he was like, "Sis," and I was like "I figured it in to my budget and you always feed us!"  It's amazing!!!!!!!!!!!  It's family!!!!!!!  It's love!!!!!!
Today I didn't even want to leave!  I wanted to stay another week and just hang out and lay around and watch television and do whatever.
The beautiful thing God creates us to do that we so often overlook is to recognize and live in just being.
No matter what any of them think, I love love love love love my family.  I love each and every one of them, whether they think I do or not.  I love them for who they are.  I love them for who they have been to me.  I love them because they love me!
I am not perfect!  I am bossy and bitchy and the big sister and I talk too much and I'm loud and not so much arrogant anymore, but I am!!!!!
I reserve the right to pull rank at any time, but these days it is gentle and loving and laughing and funny.
I will never forget my sister's husband, who was being stupid at the time saying to me, "Bitch this ain't even your house!!!"  and to that I replied, "I'm the big sister and you are leaving right now and if you want me to wake my brother up to tell you the same thing we can do that, but you are leaving either way!!!"
And what can I say about my baby brother?  There are volumes!!!!!!!
Family.
Look around at your family, take a deep breathe, thank God for them and smile as the tears stream down your face because you are wrecked with love!!!!

Happily Ever After

Funny how the mind works.  We think back on things we loved and they are so great in our memory, events, places, food, happiness, but given the opportunity to revisit some of those memories they aren't as good as our mind has built them up to be.  They just don't fit into the parameters of wonderful we've slipped them into.
This recently happened to me with a restaurant we used to go to when I was a teenager.  We used to go to this place every Friday night and it was awesome.  The restaurant closed and we were left with another restaurant of the same sort in it's wake, but we didn't really care for that one.  Over the years, having no choice but to eat at the other restaurant because that's all there was, my memory of the former never faded as being the one we liked better.  I recently got to eat at that restaurant again, for the first time in over 18 years and it just wasn't as good as I remembered, the food at the other restaurant is better, but somewhere in my memory it is still stored as great.
There's an old saying "You can never go back home."  Being who I am I don't buy into the status quo, I don't care what folks say, I don't care if I look dumb doing things I believe in.  I have to help people even if they get over on me, it doesn't change the drive and desire in me to be God's hands.  Sure, I get stung every now and then, but that sting is so small compared to the joy that fills my heart to bursting when God leads me to do something for Him.
A year ago around this time, I was heartbroken about my marriage I wasn't willing to stay in and clearly remember hearing myself say, "It's not fair, I didn't get my Cinderella story, my happily ever after."
Being a child of God, having eternity to live, what a foolish thing for me to have said, because God's people will get their happily ever after.  We have all of eternity to live in!  We have all of eternity to party and be with our Father!  That totally sounds like happily ever after to me.
I spent a year, a month and ever how many days without my husband.  I filed for divorce and paid the attorney in full, up front.  I was resolved to end my marriage for no other reason than intolerance of his behavior and fatigue.
How many of you know I was getting in God's way?  My expectations exceeded my reality.  My desire to be a help mate dissipated and I moved into a realm of I'm going to take care of myself, I will do this with my life instead.
I know who I am, I know who I belong to and I did just fine operating in that love, that knowing and wasn't even lonely.  People came and went, with their foolishness and their motives, but God did not allow anyone to stay more than momentarily, to make more than a shaking my head kind of impact on me and to cause to me to wish for my happily ever after.
When I did think of my husband it was in a shut off kind of way, seeing only the things I couldn't deal with, the stuff he did and not the man I actually loved.
When the opportunity arose for him to be back in my life, my heart and mind went to work, giving me all the reasons I didn't want to do it, a fear tried to creep back in, a voice whispered I was a fool and would end up looking stupid.  All these things wrestled in my spirit, my logic, my reasoning, my shut off sense of I'm not doing this anymore.
Over the den of voices, the emotions playing tug of war, the lies being chanted by every force in the world, I clearly heard my Daddy say, "Go get that man."  I even spent a couple of more days making sure it was He who had said it and not some silly emotionally charged thought I had.
I was still absolutely terrified when I got out of the truck and saw him for the first time in all that time, my stomach twisted in knots, all those voices in my head telling me to go back home, the walls of my resolve beginning to crumble.  He is still dealing with hurt feelings because the first words that jumped out of my mouth were "You look terrible."  Never mind they were coming from a broken place, I said them, he heard them, they went into him differently than they had come out of me.
Wow, just wow.
He was not the man I had dropped off a year earlier, although in my mind he was.  In my mind he was huge and healthy and well, this just wasn't that man standing in front of me.
Fear was trying to paralyze me and then came the truth.
I saw desolation all around me, the house seemed to be falling down and in disrepair, I even thought he was high for a moment, watching him blow the leaves off the back porch for his mother, before leaving her to her life.  Voices were screaming in my head "What are you doing?"  "Are you crazy?"  "Look at him!"  my heart was pounding a thousand miles an hour and I felt like I was about to fall into this great void.
He'd done something he can't ever take back in his pain and anger against me and when it was all said and done God said, "You have to forgive him right now, right this second."  I cried and loaded boxes onto my truck, I walked back and forth time after time wallowing in the pain of it all.  I'm not even going to tell you what it was because I did forgive him and I've resolved myself never to mention it again, just like God never reminds me of who I used to be.
In the recesses of my mind, buried deep in my frustration and anger and fatigue were memories of him, sweet precious memories I didn't let myself have, like how he washes my truck and car, spends hours at a time getting them clean knowing I am going to let the dogs smudge the windows right back up.  I forgot how he washes my dishes, cleans my house, says the sweetest things to me, makes me laugh and knows how to have fun.  I forgot how wonderful it is to be at home in my own skin because of him.  Many many things buried behind the voices and memories and dark shadows that have stood guard over that part of me.  I don't mind the tv being entirely too loud, little messes here and there where he's been posted up.  It is my great pleasure to cook for him, to see him in the living room completely immersed in a video game, to have laughing little spats.
I've had people along the way to love me and encourage me, to keep me moving forward dropping chains all along the way.  Those same people are there for him, to do the same, to help him on his journey.  I can't be of any help carrying around my own expectations, my how things should be thoughts, my wishing things were different.  I can only see the next good thing to do for him, to be for him, to give to him and the rest of it is between him and his Daddy.
In order to get my happily ever after with him I have to live the entire Cinderella story and to tell the truth it's a great story and all of it isn't bad.  To get my happily ever after with God, I just have to be.
How cool is that?