Not This Time

I could probably write a book about all the things I've been through because of the choice I made to love someone I now know I should have steered clear of.

He's been gone for a little over a year this time, seen him twice, once from afar when I took his stuff to Atlanta and dumped it out, the second time totally by accident and truth be told that time scared the hell out of me.

The last time I talked to him he told me a lie, saying he was in Alabama and could he come see me.  I told him, "Sure but you can't stay."  He was a no show, thank God!

Anytime he calls, if I accidentally answer it I always say, "Who is this?"  I've done it the entire time we've been together.  He calls and when I answer he starts talking and for a split second I'm not sure if it's him or not, so I simply say, "Who is this?"  LOL!

I did the best I could, gave when I had nothing to give, gave again when he stole that, gave again just because.

I never in my life gave more than I gave him, chose to the do the right thing because of him, had more to give than to him.

The other day I'm on the phone with a friend and the other line begins to ring.  I ended the call and went to see who was calling me.  It was an Atlanta number and I was immediately grateful I hadn't answered it.  I don't answer calls with Atlanta exchanges unless there is a name showing up on the screen.  I star 69'd it and called the number back.  It was a phone account telephone number and I immediately knew he was sitting in the Fulton County Jail.

He's going back to prison for three more years because they finally revoked his probation, only took him getting arrested four times for someone to do their job and violate him.  He had seven years left on paper when he got out the last time, I paid all the fines off and brought him to Alabama.  He's always lived in the trap, you can stand on the front porch and wave down someone selling dope, I thought Alabama would be a nice place for him to start over and have a new life.

I thought wrong.

If you're looking for trouble, you can find it anywhere.

To this day I can show you someone who is selling dope, because I know what it looks like, I know where to find them and they aren't really hard to spot, but I'm not interested, it's just experience.  Today, those guys are the guys I offer plates to on Sunday's.

It's over, has been, will always be.

It's going to be awfully lonesome sitting in jail without a letter to come every day.

Not this time, those days are over.