Feeling a certain kind of way tonight and rolling things around in my mind, commitment, ride or die, clicks, small groups, my folks, the layers that are my life.
I'm seldom lonesome but tonight is that night. So many people have mates they don't even appreciate, but not me. I'm on my own again. I so appreciate my mate when I have one. I am a terrible caregiver, but I'm an amazing wife, mother, friend and grandmother. Tonight it's just the baby and me and the way my heart feels.
Encountered something a friend posted that made me want to turn the clock back twenty years and do it again, not out of regret, but longing for the fun.
I'm not that girl anymore, I'm not even that woman anymore but I sure did love her when I was.
I have obligations, commitments, a job, a baby, children, grand children and a pending divorce.
How did I get here?
Like for real!
Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, no that's not it.
I don't miss him, I don't miss any of them, but it sure would be nice to have that kind of hug and kiss once again. It would be nice to have someone to cook for that looks at me in a way that makes me have lots of questions or blush and I prefer the blushing part.
I have friends who have decades and then some under their belts and here I am on the eve of my 50th birthday, single again, longing for that one thing they have that I don't.
We're created for community, we weren't designed to be alone.
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