My Godmother

THERESA

There's so much I could say about her and so little I still never had the chance to learn.  She was amazing.

She was my mother's best friend.

Theresa Pace

Then came Linda and Wanda.

They were trouble.

Linda's middle name was Charlene but my daddy didn't like her and he didn't like Charlene, so they settled for Darlene, which is fine with me, because I only met one Charlene I ever liked and her last name was Beeler.

Linda died before I even knew her, but Wanda and Theresa I knew very well.

Both lived with my daddy at one time or another and I don't judge either one of them for it and neither did my mother.

Theresa lived four doors over from us when I was in the fifth grade and my daddy lived there with her and no one seemed to mind.

He wasn't beating anyone when he lived with either of them.

He wasn't stalking my mother or slashing tires when he lived with one of them.

He wasn't kidnapping my brother when he lived with one of them.

Had my mother lived longer this would have been a discussion we could have had, but knowing what it was like when he lived with us, I'm sure it was a relief to her, at the time.

She was still their friend, so it had to be.

They were still friends afterwards.

My name is Theresa Darlene.

Since I came out of the streets in 2004 people have called me Theresa or Miss Theresa and tribe and family has always and will always call me Darlene.

When she found Jesus everyone thought she had lost her mind, she always laughed about that too.

I loved her so much!

She was one of the funniest people I ever knew.

She hated to talk on the phone and I feel sure I hold the record for keeping her on the phone the longest at an hour and twenty minutes.  She never had call waiting either, so if it was busy someone was on it.

She married Henry Ferguson, my step dad, a friend of their's since high school.  On the day they married, there stood me and my brother and sister saying "Bye daddy."  I'll never forget that!

She told me things I didn't come to understand until now about God.

She told me things that made me laugh, she told me things that made my heart swell with pride and she told me things that made me want to cry overwhelmed with love.

She didn't even know I'd been called Theresa for many years until a year or so before she died.

She was a servant, of God and her husband and her children.  She didn't mind, she didn't feel it beneath her and she arranged her life to be in service of them.

I wish I had clearer memories of her when I was younger, but I cherish those I have from my adulthood.

My mother died when I was 20.

I remember asking her what my mother would think of the woman I'd become, a stripper, an ill equipped mother of three, staying with her daughter.  She was so gracious.  She told me my mother would have been proud of me, would loved me still no matter what and my life would be different had she lived, which is something I still know today.  

My life would have been so different had she lived.

I took her at her word, my mother's closest long time friend, the woman she loved enough to name me after her.

I was so proud the day I revealed to her I'd been Theresa for years, my heart swelling to exploding with love and pride and happiness.  She had no idea.  I feel sure it thrilled her.

I'm the oldest of all the children.  I remember her, but I wish I remembered her better from when we were all younger.

I remember Ginger, tiny and cute and glass shattering squealing.

Hunter reminds me of that sometimes.

She was probably the most grace filled, generous, loving, kind and funny person I ever knew, my godmother.

She fulfilled her promise to my mother, mothering me after she'd gone.

When she died we made the trip, all of us, and for the first time probably ever we were all together that day, sitting on the front porch, Henry sharing memories with us, such a nice day to sit outside.

I still miss her so much and there are days when her number comes to mind and I have to remind myself she's not there to answer my call, so I can meet the challenge of keeping her on the phone much longer than she wants to be.

She's the woman I'm named after, she's the woman who loved Jesus so much everyone thought she had lost her mind, she was my mother's best friend, she was a friend to me, she was a servant, she was a wife and a mother and she was loved, so very loved.

I thank God He reminded me of her tonight.

I'm so glad she was who she was and I'm so glad I'm going to see her again someday.

I'm so glad I knew her.